everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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