That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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