but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
