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I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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