I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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