1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
