i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
