This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
