your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
