At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
