When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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