I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no. you can't hotbox the world.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We had to coat check the pizza.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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