Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
