im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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