can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
