You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is wine microwaveable?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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