brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
