Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
