I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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