Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
