Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
should my penis look like a turkey
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
