That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
