So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
