If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
