You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
