I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
