at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
