we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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