I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
