This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
