Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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