Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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