I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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