24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
