I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
