Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
