Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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