I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
