are you so shy because you have an std?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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