We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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