he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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