Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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