did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
