We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
