it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
