and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
