Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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