Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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