there was a trapeze. enough said
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
