I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
porn star boner night. come get it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
