I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
