mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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