Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
sarcasm needs its own font
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
