dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
