you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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