She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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