Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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