just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
