my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The beer is more important than you right now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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