I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
