I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His nipple licking is glorious
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