we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
